Principles of chastity #2

 principle#2 being favorably disposed towards the husband

The second principle we learn from Srimad Bhagavatam 7.11.25 is the chaste wife who accepts husband as her worshippable deity, must be favourably disposed towards her husband. sanskrit text used there is anukulata and susrusa, Favorable service. Always being amiable while serving husband. For that a wife has to convinced, being a servant is not a inferior position and the husband should not treat her like an inferior or incapable woman. Remember, your identity is determined by how to treat your wife, you can be "husband" like that of Lord Rama, not a king. often, people misunderstand scriptures, Rama is described as an ideal husband, because he never cheated on his wife. Eka patni vrata. he has taken vow of accepting only one wife. Lord Rama as a king banished sita for the welfare of his subjects, the king has to sacrifice his faultless wife sita. 

In order to be favorably disposed towards her husband, wife has to be on the equal caliber as that of her husband. gṛhārthī sadṛśīṁ bhāryām. (Srimad Bhagavatam 11.17.39)

The purport of this verse is that one’s first wife must always be sadṛśīm, or similar to oneself. In other words, an intellectual man should marry an intellectual wife, a heroic man should marry a heroic wife, a business minded man should marry a woman who can encourage him in such activities, and a śūdra should marry a less intelligent woman.

One who desires to establish family life should marry a wife of his own caste, who is beyond reproach and younger in age. 

Although first class marriage is considered as same varna marriage or accepting spouse from one's own caste, still a qualified girl can be accepted even from a low class family or in otherwords, a man can accept a similar nature girl even from different caste. this is the moral instruction from canakaya pandit. Just as we extricate gold or valuable gems from filthy place, a good counsel can be learned from a low born person. 

Yal-lakṣaṇaṁ proktam.

 One’s place in the varṇa divisions of society is determined according to one’s symptoms or qualities. This is maintained everywhere in the śāstra. Birth is a secondary consideration; the first consideration is one’s qualities and activities. (Srimad bhagavatam 9.20.1)

strī-ratnaṁ duṣkulād api. In India still the marriage takes place in equal family. The boy and the girl must be equally rich, equally cultured, equally educated. Equality. They find out. Even by horoscope, they test whether their astronomical calculations are also equal, so that after marriage they may not be unhappy. So many things, they are taken care of by the parents, and the marriage takes place. It is not that in youthful age the boy and girl mixes and... No. There are so many. But these things are now gone. So the point is that they were calculating especially to accept a girl from a family, they must be equal. But Cāṇakya Paṇḍita says that if a girl is well qualified, strī-ratna... Strī-ratna means... Ratna means jewel. If a girl is just like jewel, very qualified, even she is born in low family, accept her. Nīcād apy uttamāṁ vidyāṁ strī-ratnaṁ duṣkulād api. Duṣkulād api means born of low family. Never mind. Don't care for her parentage. If she's qualified, accept her. There are many instances.
Lecture on Brahma-samhita, Lecture -- New York, July 28, 1971

There are many instances from Srimad Bhagavtaam, ancient puranas, Marriage between, Pururava and Urvasi; yayati and Devayani. Qualities or nature of the spouses were taken into consideration not mere birth alone does not qualify a person's situation in varnasrama. 

A woman who finds a man with superior qualities may accept such a man as her husband. Similarly, if a man finds a woman who is from an inferior family but who has good qualities, he can accept such a brilliant wife, as advised by Śrī Cāṇakya Paṇḍita (strī-ratnaṁ duṣkulād api). The combination of male and female is worthwhile if the qualities of both are on an equal level. (Srimad bhagvatam 9.14.21)

Reason for unhappy marriages or divorce:  

If the husband and wife does not share equal nature, desires, aspirations and services, then such marriage will never flourish, rather will lead to divorce. you cannot expect a wife who is not on the same wavelength to be favorably disposed to you. In Marriage, beauty or wealth is the second criterion. 

Similarly, there were calculations of pratiloma and anuloma. The central idea is that if the boy and girl were on an equal level the marriage would be happy, whereas inequality would lead to unhappiness. Because care is no longer taken in marriage, we now find many divorces. Indeed, divorce has now become a common affair, although formerly one’s marriage would continue lifelong, and the affection between husband and wife was so great that the wife would voluntarily die when her husband died or would remain a faithful widow throughout her entire life. Now, of course, this is no longer possible, for human society has fallen to the level of animal society. Marriage now takes place simply by agreement. Dāmpatye ’bhirucir hetuḥ (Bhāg. 12.2.3). The word abhiruci means “agreement.” If the boy and girl simply agree to marry, the marriage takes place. But when the Vedic system is not rigidly observed, marriage frequently ends in divorce.

(Srimad bhagavatam 9.18.23)

 

if you want to be the king treat her like a queen and vice versa. Marriage between equal floruishes. Nevertheless, a chaste women, expected to make herself well disposed to her husband, even though they might have different temperaments. Anukulata - this is one of the principle of chastity. cultivating favorable mentality towards her husband is an essential factor in making a marriage successful. 

Whatever be the qualities of the man with whom a woman is united according to the law, such qualities even she assumes, like a river (united) with the ocean. (manusmriti 9.22) 

In unfavorable circumstances, a chaste wife is expected to maintain harmonious attitude towards her husband even he may be destitute or poor. In this way, a chaste wife ascends in her evolution of soul.