Principles of Chastity #3 Adapting with the Friends and relatives of the husband.

 Principle #3 Well Disposed towards Husband's family and Friends

This is one of the essential factor in gaining the husband's heart. Often Prabhupada used to say Krsna is never alone. When we say Krsna, it also includes, his devotees, his eternal associates, his potencies, his paraphernalia etc. 

Whenever we speak of Krsna, we refer to His devotees also, for He is not alone. He is never nirvisesa or sunya, without variety, or zero. Krsna is full of variety, and as soon as Krsna is present, there cannot be any question of void. (Srimad bhagavatam 4.23.35)

When we speak of Kṛṣṇa, it does not mean Kṛṣṇa was alone. Kṛṣṇa means with His form, with His pastimes, with His paraphernalia, with His entourage, everything. When we speak of king, it does not mean king is alone. As soon as we speak of king, we must understand the king, king's kingdom, king's secretaries, king's ministers, king's queen, king's palace, so many things. (Lecture on BG 1.10 -- London, July 12, 1973)

So that is a question, one must like to put, that "Why God became many?" So that is, that answer is that because God is sac-cid-ānanda-vigraha (Bs. 5.1)—He's all-pleasure—therefore, without many, there is no pleasure. Just like here I sit down the whole day alone, but I become more active and more pleasing when you come. Whenever we want to enjoy some pleasure, pleasure is not enjoyed alone. Pleasure is enjoyed with many.(Lecture on BG 2.12 -- New York, March 9, 1966)

        Similarly, nowadays we have this mentality , Me and my husband. Women have been brought up                without any adjusting mindset. They have never learnt the principles of sacrifice, adjustment, living            with different people or serving the elders. Today's women are trained to cooperate with office                    colleagues or college friends or tolerate sexual abuse. They never want to live a life with in-laws,               which they simply cannot tolerate. Earn money, drink and merry. This is motto of life. Dharma means          purification of "sinful" enjoyment mentality, "i want to be enjoyer", never been trained to provide             happiness to others. Their enjoyment has been hammered into their brain to be like this. Real                  happiness lies in the happiness of others. The entire society is acting for selfishness. Dharma means selflessness.    By executing Dharma properly, one can overcome kama "unregulated sense enjoyment" Which is the gateway to hell. remember, Selflessness is different from self sacrificing. 

Selflessness: the quality of caring more about what other people need and want than about what you yourself need and want. Self- Sacrifice: the giving up of one's own interests or wishes in order to help others or advance a cause.

Women need not lose themselves while serving husband and family, rather maintain a clear distinction. it is mandatory to prioritize the needs of husband and inlaws before oneself. Today's women have ambitions and aspirations to put themselves in front. Puja, Labha and pratistha (weeds of devotional service). A Chaste women does not have independent interests or wishes. Just like a teacher is happy while seeing the success of the student or Guru is happy to see the spiritual advancement of a disciple. Dharmapatni is happy to see the success of her husband, and other male members of the family. She takes a subordinate role voluntarily. we may question why not lead role? are Women meant to be only occupy the lower position? Her important responsibility is leading the family, under the guidance of the mother in law. After mother in law or elder sister in law if there any, she takes the lead role in the family, core decision making authority. Just as in a corporate firm, you don't immediately reach the top cader within the day of joining. When a naukrani, working women is ready to adjust to the norms of office environment with mumbling and grumbling why not adjust in the way of living with in-laws family? 

so, comes the next principle, tad-bandhuṣv anuvṛttiś ca to be equally well disposed toward the husband’s relatives and friends. Anuvṛtti (अनुवृत्ति).—Repetition or recurrence of a word from the previous to the subsequent rule or rules, which is necessary for the sake of the intended interpretation.A subsequent or supplementary rule, competing what a preceding one has left to be explained. Justs as a son takes over the business of the father. Anuvrtti - continued influence of a preceding on a following rule. it is equally important to be favorably disposed towards the bandhus of the family. 

Lecture on BG 2.20-25 -- Seattle, October 14, 1968: Kṛṣṇa is always our friend. Natural friend. That is stated in the Bhagavad-gītā. Suhṛdaṁ sarva-bhūtānām [Bg. 5.29]. Suhṛdam means suhṛt. There are different kinds of friend, but here... In Sanskrit, for different kinds of friend, there are different names. Just like one friend is called bandhu. One is called mitra, one friend is called suhṛt. There are differences. Therefore they are different words. Just like in English language there is only one word "friend." But in Sanskrit, because it is perfect language, friend—what kind of friend. So Kṛṣṇa says that "I am suhṛdaṁ sarva-bhūtānām." Suhṛt, suhṛt means he's such a friend... Just like you have got a friend. Sincerely he wants how you shall be happy. Just like your mother. Mother is also friend. Or wife, devoted wife. She is also friend. So mother, wife, or any such relative, or father. Or there are many persons in our ordinary relationships. So they want actually that "My, this friend be happy." That is real friend, suhṛt. And mitra, social friendship. Bandhu, official friendship. But suhṛt, suhṛt means one who actually desires good of his friend. "Sincere friend" which you describe in English. So Kṛṣṇa is suhṛt. He's always expecting my good. How I shall be good. Therefore He is canvassing me: "Please, you surrender unto Me." Just like father says, "My dear boy, why you are acting independently? Foolishly you are suffering. Just surrender unto me. I shall give you, I shall give you protection." Similarly Kṛṣṇa is friend like that.

Another interpretation, tad-bandhuṣv anuvṛttiś ca , Anuvrtti means adopting a similar lifestyle or livelihood as that of her husband's family. That's the reason, in vedic culture, same caste or marrying the women of similar varna as that one is much insisted, it is so scientific and practical, it will be easy for women to adapt to the traditions or life style of her husband's family. Similar varna means similar occupation or social status. 

We can find king yayati was initially disapproving marrying with devayani, because of different varna she is a brahmana, she did have trouble; for instance complained to her father Sukracarya, when as a ksatriya he gave children to sarmistha. We can never find polygamy among brahmanas, only Royal ksatriyas are permitted to have more than a wife or multiple wives for the sake of protecting women. it was difficult for devayani to accept her rival is having son's from her husband. this is an example to bring to one's attention implications of Varna Sankara, commixture of caste or social status. 

this is an another instance of In Bhagavad-gītā (1.40) it is said, strīṣu duṣṭāsu vārṣṇeya jāyate varṇa-saṅkaraḥ: if the women are polluted, there will be varṇa-saṅkara population. Devyani and sarmistha were polluted or quarrelling before this incident about to happen, anyway we cannot change the course of nature. we can learn from these examples in sastra, not to imitate them. I would draw an important point here that, like-minded devotees should be matched or atleast devotees should be matched with devotees. 

Anuvrtti - Complaisance, obliging or serving another. Wife during marriage ties also accepts to serve her husband's family members, thinking them as their own family members. 

Anuvrtti- Acting in conformity with, acting as is required or suitable according to circumstance,- She should be ready to act according to the directions of her in-laws or adjust to their circumstances by behaving affectionately and following obediently; submissive behaviour; obedience towards the family members of her husband. 

Anuvṛtti means “He lovingly followed the orders of the king.” Or else, the way the king is a devotee of Śrī Kṛṣṇa, his subjects also have that type of favorable attitude in their devotional service. (Brhad bhagavatamrta Verse 1.1.53-54) - A chaste wife should lovingly follow the orders of the Inlaws who are devotees. In case of dealing with non devotee inlaws - one has to obey their orders which is not contrary to devotional principles.

anuvrrttua bhaktir - committed or devoted to religion or to religious duties - A chaste wife is expected to devoutly serve not only husband but also their official family members or immediate relatives, who are living with them.