Principles of chastity#4

Principles of Chastity #4 Maintaining the vows 

Married women keeping fasts for the welfare of husband is intrinsic to vedic culture. Various family traditions have different rituals or festivals, which comes once in year in indian household to name a few : Varalakshmi vrata, hariyali teej,  karva chauth, Kedari gowri vrata, etc; nowadays these are carried out as a matter of ritual. In Srimad bhagavatam, Narada Muni describes that it is duty of the married women to maintain vows regularly. nityaṁ tad-vrata-dhāraṇam 

What those vows which a chaste women needs to accept it always?

 

Vrata (व्रत) refers to “vow undertaken for self-purification and spiritual benefit”.
Then dhäraëä. Dhäraëä means meditating, then the subject matter will be fixed up in your heart. It will not move. Not that every day I am meditating on some new subject, no.

A chaste women is instructed here to meditate upon the husband everyday. This is referred as vow of chastity. Her thoughts, deeds, actions, etc everything is engaged in serving the husband. Dhārana has three fold meanings, first we already discussed is fix the mind upon the husband. Second, 2, fig. "Taking up or adopting" figurative meaning, A chaste wife takes upon herself the vows of her husband, adopting the same vows which her husband has undertaken. 

The gentle and chaste Gāndhārī, who was the daughter of King Subala of Kandahar [or Gāndhāra], followed her husband, seeing that he was going to the Himalaya Mountains, which are the delight of those who have accepted the staff of the renounced order like fighters who have accepted a good lashing from the enemy.

Saubalinī, or Gāndhārī, daughter of King Subala and wife of King Dhṛtarāṣṭra, was ideal as a wife devoted to her husband. The Vedic civilization especially prepares chaste and devoted wives, of whom Gāndhārī is one amongst many mentioned in history. Lakṣmījī Sītādevī was also a daughter of a great king, but she followed her husband, Lord Rāmacandra, into the forest. Similarly, as a woman Gāndhārī could have remained at home or at her father's house, but as a chaste and gentle lady she followed her husband without consideration. Instructions for the renounced order of life were imparted to Dhṛtarāṣṭra by Vidura, and Gāndhārī was by the side of her husband. But he did not ask her to follow him because he was at that time fully determined, like a great warrior who faces all kinds of dangers in the battlefield. He was no longer attracted to so-called wife or relatives, and he decided to start alone, but as a chaste lady Gāndhārī decided to follow her husband till the last moment. Mahārāja Dhṛtarāṣṭra accepted the order of vānaprastha, and at this stage the wife is allowed to remain as a voluntary servitor, (SB 1.13.30, Translation and Purport)

Here is an example, how Gandhari adopted the vanaprastha vow of her husband Dhrtarastra, likewise sita devi also adopted the vow of her supreme husband Lord Rama. generally, Women is not allowed to undertake any vows or fasts separately, she is advised to follow her husband. Whatever vows that has been ordained to him, she also follows or if the husband maintaining some vows, she needs to do the same. ANother insatnce from Srimad Bhagavatam, which is more suitable for the devotees, Ambarisha Maharaja and his QUeen, both of the followed the Ekadashi Vrata for a year together. 

To worship Lord Kṛṣṇa, Mahārāja Ambarīṣa, along with his queen, who was equally qualified, observed the vow of Ekādaśī and Dvādaśī for one year.

To observe Ekādaśī-vrata and Dvādaśī-vrata means to please the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Those interested in advancing in Kṛṣṇa consciousness must observe Ekādaśī-vrata regularly. Mahārāja Ambarīṣa's queen was equally as qualified as the King. Therefore it was possible for Mahārāja Ambarīṣa to engage his life in household affairs. In this regard, the word tulya-śīlayā is very significant. Unless a wife is equally as qualified as her husband, household affairs are very difficult to continue. Cāṇakya Paṇḍita advises that a person in such a situation should immediately give up household life and become a vānaprastha or sannyāsī:
mātā yasya gṛhe nāstibhāryā cāpriya-vādinīaraṇyaṁ tena gantavyaṁyathāraṇyaṁ tathā gṛham

A person who has no mother at home and whose wife is not agreeable with him should immediately go away to the forest. Because human life is meant for spiritual advancement only, one's wife must be helpful in this endeavor. Otherwise there is no need of household life.

(SB 9.4.29, Translation and Purport) 

Thirdly, the literal meaning of Vrata dharana is 1, dhāraṇa (धारण).—n (S) Holding, having, keeping, maintaining, lit. She should always keep vows or hold fasts for the welfare of the husband. in this way she should keep herself busy. or She should maintain the vows which her husbands asks her to do or by her will with the permission her husband. it also means that a chaste follows or maintains the regulative principles or initiation vows of her husband even though she might have not been initiated into the sampradaya. 

Satsvarupa: Not mahatmanas? Next one. Satatam kirtayanto mam yatantas ca drdha-vratah.

Prabhupada: Drdha-vrata. If you have no drdha-vrata, [laughing] that is no vow. So that drdha-vrata means you must promise that "I shall chant at least, minimum, so many times." That is called drdha-vrata.

Satsvarupa: "With determination."

>>> Ref. VedaBase => Room Conversation -- January 31, 1977, Bhubaneswar

Prahlada Maharaja warns the devotees should be careful while accepting grhastha life, he compared it a blind dark well. A wife should not forget this body is temporary, similarly bodily dharma is also temporary. she should not forget, the jiva is the eternal servant of Krsna while being a grha vrata. 

One, if he is grha-vrata, he goes to guru or not guru -- he'll never be reformed. Grha-vratanam: one who has taken this vow that this home is everything, grha-vrata. Vrata means taken vow: "It is my only duty." Matir na krsne. He cannot place his mind unto Krsna, matir na krsne paratah svato va, either by good advice of guru or personal, svatah; na mithah, nor by meeting, sat-sanga, so-called sat-sanga, because the real disease is grha-vrata.

>>> Ref. VedaBase => Morning Walk -- January 8, 1977, Bombay

Such person who have no desire to see atma-tattvam, self-realization -- persons who are not interested in self-realization -- they have got many subject matters for hearing. Just like you are here; you are listening because you are interested in self-realization. Otherwise there are millions of persons in Paris city, but they are not interested for self-realization. No. They are interested how to get money, how to have nice apartment, how to have a nice wife or husband, how to have nice children. That's all. Grha-vrata. This is called grha-vrata. Grha-vrata and grhastha, I have explained several times. Grha-vrata means they also live in the apartment; we also live in the apartment. But ours is called asrama. Asrama means we have connection with the Supreme. That is called asrama. Their idea is that decorating, furnishing this room, furnishing my wife, furnishing for my children, decorating, that is ultimately. If I am...Kutumba-bharana. Dasam kutumba-bharana. In this age, a person will be considered as very successful if he can provide his family very comfortably. He will be considered as very expert.


>>> Ref. VedaBase => 54+ Transcripts

Grha-vratanam. Grha, there are different meanings of grha. Especially grha, we mean the home, house. Grha-vrata and grhastha, they are two different. Grhastha means although he is in grha, household life, his purpose is to go back to home, back to Godhead. They are called grhastha. And whose only purpose is to live at home -- decorate the home, decorate the wife, decorate the children and make money to live very comfortably -- they are called grha-vrata or grhamedhi. They are not grhastha. Grhastha means although he's living with wife, children, family, but his purpose is how to become Krsna conscious, how to go back home, back. They are called grhastha. So grhasthasrama is as good as other asramas. There are four asramas. Vedic civilization means four varnas and four asramas: brahmana, ksatriya, vaisya, sudra, and brahmacari, grhastha, vanaprastha and sannyasa. So those who are not following this principle of varnasrama-dharma, living like cats and dogs -- they also live with wife, children -- that sort of living is called grha-vrata. Grha-vratanam. Matir na krsne: "They cannot become Krsna conscious." Matir na krsne paratah svato va mitho 'bhipadyeta grha-vratanam. Why? Now, adanta-gobhih. Go means senses. Go means cow. Go means land also. So anyone who has taken the vow of sense gratification... That is the modern world, that "Somehow or other, satisfy senses." They cannot control the senses. Adanta-go. Adanta. Danta means control. Adanta, not controlled. Adanta-gobhih. So what is that? Visatam tamisram: "They are going towards hell," because this sense gratification process, unrestricted sense gratification process, he is creating a situation of different mentality, and that mentality will be prominent at the time of death, and according to that situation he'll get his next birth. Yam yam vapi smaran bhavam tyajaty ante kalevaram [Bg. 8.6].


>>> Ref. VedaBase => Sunday Feast Lecture -- July 25, 1976, London

SVa dharma is of two kinds: one is related to the bodily Varnasrama dharma and other is soul's dharma, sanatana dharma Jivera svarupa hoya nitya krsna das. We should balance both, one nourishes the other.

Sometimes, devotee couples maintain special vows. 

The word båhad-vrata refers to one who has decided not to marry, or in other words, not to indulge in sex life throughout his entire life.


>>> Ref. VedaBase => SB 7.12.7

Grhastha-brahmacaris
Brahmacārīs or gṛhasthas who have taken the vow of celibacy as described above should not indulge in the following: applying powder or ointment to the eyes, massaging the head with oil, massaging the body with the hands, seeing a woman or painting a woman’s picture, eating meat, drinking wine, decorating the body with flower garlands, smearing scented ointment on the body, or decorating the body with ornaments. These they should give up.

Srimad Bhagavatam 7.12.12

In this way, chaste wife always accepts the vow of favorable Service, husband and his relatives everyday. Such a wife is called pativrata,“devoted to her husband”who never violates her marriage vow.

Hearing the sound of that music, Maheśvara was plunged into an ocean of intense bliss. Maddened by the stirring of great love within himself, he spontaneously began to dance, alone.Śrī Gopa-kumāra says, “Hearing that sound, Maheśvara became maddened by the transformations (vikāra) of intense divine love, mahā-prema. Because his heart was melting in love, he became covered by transcendental transformations (sāttvikavikāras) such as perspiring (sveda), trembling (kampa), horripilating (pulaka), choking of the voice (gadgada vacana), and shedding tears (aśru), and he spontaneously began to dance, alone.”Śrī Pārvatī-devī–the crest jewel of chaste wives–and Nandī, along with other associates, increased the enthusiasm of their lord by playing musical instruments, singing the names of the Lord, and so on.Śrī Gopa-kumāra says, “Ah! Seeing her lord lose his composure, Śrī Pārvatī-devī was not irritated in the least. Rather, because she is the best of chaste ladies, she joined him in his enthusiasm even while still sitting on his lap and encouraged him by playing musical instruments and singing glorifications of the Lord (saṅkīrtana).” Brhad bhagavatamrita Verse 2.3.76

in this regard one can also refer to Mahabharata the story of Savitri and Satyavan: some excerpts are included below

Narada then said,

'He has one only defect that has overwhelmed all his virtues. That defect is incapable of being conquered by even the greatest efforts. He has only one defect, and no other. Within a year from this day, Satyavan, endued with a short life will cast off his body!'

Hearing these words of the sage, the king said,

'Come, O Savitri, go you and choose another for your lord, O beautiful damsel! That one great defect (in this youth) exists, covering all his merits. The illustrious Narada honoured by even the gods, says, that Satyavan will have to cast off his body within a year, his days being numbered!'

At these words of her father, Savitri said,

'The death can fall but once; a daughter can be given away but one; and once only can a person say, I give away! These three things can take place only once. Indeed, with a life short or long, possessed of virtues or bereft of them, I have, for once, selected my husband. Twice I shall not select. Having first settled a thing mentally, it is expressed in words, and then it is carried out into practice. Of this my mind is an example!'

Narada then said,

'O best of men, the heart of your daughter Savitri wavers not! It is not possible by any means to make her swerve from this path of virtue! In no other person are those virtues that dwell in Satyavan. The bestowal of your daughter, therefore, is approved by me!'

The king said,

'What you have said, O illustrious one, should never be disobeyed, for your words are true! And I shall act as you have said, since you are my preceptor!'

And thus, O Bharata, living in the asylum of those pious dwellers of the forest, they continued for some time to practise ascetic austerities. But the words spoken by Narada were present night and day in the mind of the sorrowful Savitri.'"

'At length, O king, after a long time had passed away, the hour that had been appointed for the death of Satyavan arrived. And as the words that had been spoken by Narada were ever present in the mind of Savitri, she had counted the days as they passed. And having ascertained that her husband would die on the fourth day following, the damsel fasted day and night, observing the Triratra vow.

And hearing of her vow, the king became exceedingly sorrow and rising up soothed Savitri and said these words,

'This vow that you have begun to observe, O daughter of a king, is exceedingly hard; for it is extremely difficult to fast for three nights together!'

And hearing these words, Savitri said, 'You needst not be sorry, O father! This vow I shall be able to observe! I have for certain undertaken this task with perseverance; and perseverance is the cause of the successful observance of vows.'

And having listened to her, Dyumatsena said,

'I can by no means say unto you, Do you break your vow. One like me should, on the contrary, say,—Do you complete your vow!'

And having said this to her, the high-minded Dyumatsena stopped. And Savitri continuing to fast began to look (lean) like a wooden doll. And, O bull of the Bharata race, thinking that her husband would die on the morrow, the woe-stricken Savitri, observing a fast, spent that night in extreme anguish. And when the Sun had risen about a couple of hand Savitri thinking within herself—To-day is that day, finished her morning rites, and offered oblations to the flaming fire. And bowing down unto the aged Brahmanas, and her father-in-law, and mother-in-law, she stood before them with joined hands, concentrating her senses.

And for the welfare of Savitri, all the ascetics dwelling in that hermitage, uttered the auspicious benediction that she should never suffer widowhood. And Savitri immersed in contemplation accepted those words of the ascetics, mentally saying,—So be it!—And the king’s daughter, reflecting on those words of Narada, remained, expecting the hour and the moment.

("Markandeya continued, )

Then, O best of the Bharatas, well-pleased, her father-in-law and mother-in-law said these words unto the princess seated in a corner,

'You have completed the vow as prescribed. The time for your meal has now arrived; therefore, do you what is proper!'

Thereat Savitri said,

'Now that I have completed the purposed vow, I will eat when the Sun goes down. Even this is my heart’s resolve and this my vow!'