Principles of Chastity #5 Wife as fortress

 A Chaste wife guards her husband, just as commander in chief, guards his king. 

Let's begin this from a quote, 

SB 3.14.20, Translation

As a fort commander very easily conquers invading plunderers, by taking shelter of a wife one can conquer the senses, which are unconquerable in the other social orders.

A man who has wife is always in a safer side, whenever there is a attack on the body by vicious senses,  a chaste wife protects him from becoming involved in illicit sex. Otherwise a unguarded men go to prostitutes or corrupt chaste women, which is again illicit sex. The famous adjunct says, sayanesu rambha, one of the duties of a wife is give heavenly sense pleasure like that of heavenly prostitute rambha to her husband thereby satisfying the senses of husband and protecting him from straying away. The wife acquires sin on the part of her if she fails to fulfil this duty. Although prostitution was socially acceptable immoral thing, such as thievery, etc in vedic culture,  it is an arrangement in the mortal world, through gateway of sins men lose their lifespan. We, as devotees of Kṛṣṇa has taken a vow to not having any sexual contact outside the marriage, request women to understand this and do their duty in bed. Otherwise, there is every chance of men or women falling down from the path of devotional service. 

Being humble means knowing our level of progress, recognising limitations, and solving them in proper way. Grhastha asrama allows restricted sense enjoyment once in a month during fertile season of a woman. 

balaṁ balavatāṁ cāhaṁ
kāma-rāga-vivarjitam
dharmāviruddho bhūteṣu
kāmo 'smi bharatarṣabha ll 7.11

Translation: "I am the strength of the strong, devoid of passion and desire. I am sex life which is not contrary to religious principles, O Lord of the Bhāratas, Arjuna."

How to regulate sex? 

yuktahara-viharasya
yukta-cestasya karmasu
yukta-svapnavabodhasya
yogo bhavati duhkha-ha ll 6.17

He who is temperate in his habits of eating, sleeping, working and recreation can mitigate all material pains by practicing the yoga system. 

Krsna advices Arjuna, that one should never overeat nor starve, never oversleep nor deprived of sleep, Similarly one should regulate the sexual patterns. This way man  would never be agitated by sense objects. Man goes out to earn a living, while through the course of time, he has to deal with sense objects in the form of lecherous women, sensual billboards, etc. A husband who is satisfied with his own wife, he never be agitated in the presence of sense objects. What about Ajamila then? It was accidental fall down,  unintentional. Knowing for certain,  padam padam yad vipadam na tesam,  every step is dangerous in the material world.  Women need to understand the concept of male sexuality. Men are visually agitated, whereas women are agitated during their season. Despite the fact we are sexually agitated or not, a responsible must have regular lawful sex once in a month. Some may say spontaneous sex feels good, there is no regulation and while one is sexually agitated one becomes polluted by rajo-guṇa,  which deludes a man to perform sin. To avoid this, grhastha is advised to have a lawful sex. We don't need sex education,  everyone learns in due course of time. 

Sexual repression 

Sexual repression is a state in which a person is prevented from expressing their own sexuality. Sexual repression is often linked with feelings of guilt or shame being associated with sexual impulses.

Especially in a spiritual movement,  where men are strictly trained in accordance to principles of brahmacarya, men tend to repress their sexual urges. And eventually fall down completely from the devotional path because of shame and guilt. For men, dishonor is worse than death. So-called advanced devotees, who thinks that they are advanced tend to look down upon others who are unable to conquer the senses as being hen-pecked husbands. No one should never take pride in advancement and deride other devotees. 

A sexually repressed person will usually hold negative ideas towards sex. This person may consider the act and everything associated with it, wrong.

Sex is not bad, sinful illegal sex is bad. Sex is the cause of procreation, universal principle. Puruṣa and prakrti,  give rise to pradhana, seed. 

Causes of Sexual Repression

In society, sex has long been tainted as a taboo and immoral subject. This form of reasoning has shaped intercourse into a shameful act, one that should be avoided or spoken about sparingly.  

Past Traumatic Encounters

People who have experienced sexual trauma may view the act of sex or any form of intimacy in a negative light. Therefore, sex or thoughts of sex may be trigger past traumatic experiences. Any healthy feelings towards sex are, in turn, shut off. To cope, a person may repress their thoughts and desires towards sex.

A person may be sexually repressed without even knowing it. This state of mind is easily covered up under devotion to religion, or moral uprightness. A sexually suppressed person may exhibit the following behaviors

Discomfort Around Sex or Discussions of the Subject with due concern if done only between husband and wife or wife and her friends or husband and his friends.

This should be done with experienced grhasthas, family counsellor or spiritual guide if needed. We discourage gramya-katha. 

Guilt or Shame Following Sex-

 A person might not showup as regularly used to. Becoming uncomfortable among devotees.

A person might not visible as before as they regularly used to or important festival's. It is not the only sign. Often it takes time for devotees to accept the transition from one asrama to another.  Mostly they shift to a new area than they previously served. 

Difficulty Finding Pleasure in Sex

Neophytes wrongly preach the perils of sex. Sexually transmitted diseases,  impediment in spiritual progress etc. Concept is correct what if we are not that platform, then it makes them feel sex-negative, fear of sex. This kind of people will never feel sexual satisfaction. Or develop a kind of repression even after having repeated sex. 

Discomfort With Nudity

It is uncivilised to be nude. Wife can be only be naked in front of their husbands. It doesn't mean that we encourage nude posters or such nonsense. One must be feel discomfort, while being naked. Or many karmic sites explain that a wife should bath naked or walk around naked in house to getting comfortable in nudity. Absurd! At the same time one should cast away the shyness in the presence of husband,  privately and cultivating comfort level with one's spouse. It's not a overnight thing, takes time, for me it has taken nearly 6 years, to mentally prepare myself. Body shamming for women also causes sexual repression in females. 

(Note: I am not linking the source, it is karmi site, whatever acceptable is mentioned here).

As usual,  some quotes for upliftment: 

The sex demand is inevitable for everyone, but one who has a fixed wife is saved from the onslaught of the sense enemies. Sb 3.14.20

. A civilized man, therefore, works according to the institution of varṇa and āśrama. Even in materialistic life, however, no one is free to act. Everyone is compelled to accept a certain type of body offered by the Supreme Lord and thus be allotted different grades of happiness and distress. Therefore even if one artificially leaves home and goes to the forest, he again becomes attached to materialistic life. Family life is compared to a fortress for practicing sense control. When the senses are controlled. one may live either at home or in the forest; there is no difference. (Sb 5.1 summary) 

SB 5.1.18, Translation

One who is situated in household life and who systematically conquers his mind and five sense organs is like a king in his fortress who conquers his powerful enemies. After one has been trained in household life and his lusty desires have decreased, he can move anywhere without danger.

The senses are considered very powerful enemies. As a king in a strong fortress can conquer powerful enemies, so a householder in gṛhastha-āśrama, household life, can conquer the lusty desires of youth and be very secure when he takes vānaprastha and sannyāsa.

Concluding, guilt-free, lawful happy sex, give rise to happy children and sexual satisfaction.  Just as when we eat, we feel tusti, pusti and santusti. Good sex will make us feel full, nourished and satisfied whereas bad sex is addictive. It is the duty of a chaste wife to give sexual happiness to her husband.  Most of woman, advertise themselves as spiritually advanced than their husbands, they cannot accept the good advice of their devotee husbands, such women create a havoc in our society. Don't create such a class of unchaste, so-called advanced women. 



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